At the advise of a trusted professor, I applied for a non-paying "internship" nearer to my boyfriend. I had an interview and was accepted all within the last 48 hours and it hit me. I'm scared. I'm afraid I'll fall flat on my face or I'll get there and they'll say "sorry... *she* got here first."
I keep telling myself these fears are stupid. Besides I know someone bigger than my fears!!!
So I tell my boyfriend that it looks like I'll be living about half an hour away. He's excited and he continues to encourage me. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such an amazing man in my life! And to think, it all happened when I wasn't looking! (Thank you, Yeshua!)
I can't pinpoint exactly what B has done, but I do know that my dreams are important to him, and let me tell you, I'm a dreamer... I dream big. When it comes to dreams, no dream is too small or big... althought sometimes I do dream crazy. At one point in time I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist who worked on a Mercy Ship until I realized a few things...
A) I can't do oncology because I'm too tenderhearted. I'd cry every day because I can't save everyone from the effects of cancer. Heck, I can't even be a doctor. People die everyday, and I can't do anything to stop them.
B) I'm a *home* body. I transferred universities partially because I was too homesick.... (which is going to make this internship interesting because I can't just go home on weekends)
C) eventually, i realized that it wasn't a dream for me. Yeah.... someone out there may have that dream, and more power to them, but man, I'd be emotionally and spiritually exhausted after a couple of days doing that.... Just imagine a couple of months.
A more recent dream has been to be a Rachel Saint... to devote my life to one people group for the rest of my life. Do you realize that "missions" has become less long term and more short term? What about the people you befriend while you're over whereever? What happens to them when you leave after being there a couple of weeks? a couple of months? While it is easier to keep in touch with people you meet through various online resources, it's ridiculous to believe that you can actually develop much of a meaningful relationship solely online! First of all, so much is lost just on the phone! You lose the facial and body language and have to depend on what you hear and what you remember about the person to whom you're speaking. Now put that online or in text messages. While you see the words of the person, you don't hear them and you don't see them. Don't get me wrong.... I text and use online communication a lot. I prefer face to face because there's a lot more for people to laugh at, especially if I'm attempting to walk straight (I fall ALL the time! One time, I fell up the stairs and my lemonade literally bit the dust, but I still got my sammie thanks to the invention of FOIL!) but i'm not opposed to texting or online. That's how my boyfriend and I keep in touch when we aren't within minutes of each other. So back to that dream... It hasn't changed much, really. I still desire to be devoted to one people group and develop friendships with them. It's a beautiful thing, really, friendships.
Another one of my dreams has been to open up a bed and breakfast (probably in europe, not gonna lie) for personal business and also allow people who need to take a retreat from their life in the field for a weekend or two to have a place where it's safe, that they can be away from the stressors of their life. This one is a little more like a pipe dream and may not happen. I'm ok with that.
So I'm a dreamer. And my boyfriend supports me.
And I have my "dream" internship.
I'm pretty sure if life got any better, I'd explode. How did i get to be so blessed
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