Soft Christianity?

I think i’ve gotten soft in my faith.  I hate it.

I find myself thinking “Whatever you believe is ok” but really? where’s the truth in that?  Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life,” (John 14:6) and here i am, allowing myself to think that even someone who doesn’t believe in a god will go to heaven.

What has happened to me?  Where has my love for people taken me? What am I doing that God no longer has the power to drive me to tell them about him?

I need brokenness.

brokenness sucks.

why?

I try and keep an open mind toward people of all faiths, knowing there is always something to be learned from all people. I'd be ignorant to say i know everything. I'm not Mensa material.

So this blog is brought to you by a recent twitter conversation i had with an atheist. I posed the question "why are some atheists violently against a god they don't believe exists?" An honest question. I got a few replies saying that not all atheists are violent, and then I got one that said basically that science couldn't prove the existence of a deity. i thanked him and then he basically picked a fight with me. Seriously!! Two days later I'm emotionally exhausted from dealing with that and then also dealing with the teenagers i'm watching at the moment. I wasn't attacking him in his beliefs, but he was attacking mine. Why?

So i blocked him. But these emotions will leave scars because of how he portrayed atheists.

Often times, the few taint the image of the many so that the few become the stereotype. Not all muslims are anti America. Not all christians are anti-everything. Not all atheists are anti-religion. But those who are have tainted the world view of onlookers who think all are.

stereotypes are stupid. Often they are the exceptions, and not the rule, yet all blondes are now dumb, all aggies are now stupid.... Maybe Avenue Q is right? "We're all a little bit racist."

My fiance keeps asking that i write this blog, and so here i am, writing it.

Many of y’all know that I, and B, are MAJOR geeks and enjoy gaming and computers and other geeky things (like scifi!) and it makes sense that a geek should incorporate their geekiness into a wedding.  I do like the idea, but….. I do have *some* boundaries.

I’m not sure how many are actually familiar with the concept of UStream, but it’s basically a webcam/chat client.  If it came to podcasting or a press conference, or something along those lines, I’d be all for it, but not for a wedding.  Nothing against those who’ve used it for that purpose, but I have some issues that I’ll attempt to express as best as I can.  Please understand, this is my personal preference and is in no way a slight to anyone or a means to offend some of my dearest friends.

First, I’m a small town girl.  I grew up knowing everyone in the town and so many of my preferences come through this mindset.  I like people.  I like knowing who’s gonna be where when.  At a wedding, I want to be able to greet everyone who is able to come with a warm smile and a hug, something that can’t be conveyed through a webcam.

Secondly, when i started dreaming as a girl about what my wedding would be, i dreamed of all the kingdom coming.  I had an avid imagination.  But, to go along with this, I also dreamed of my friends being there with me, to witness me giving my life to the man I love, and the man who loves me.  To see my friends and family smile as I commit to my love is really my dream.  I know i’m probably not gonna remember who all was there, but I would love to have the time for them to see me in my wonderful princess gown (cuz it’s GORGEOUS!) That being said, I feel like the intimacy of the ceremony, the sanctity of it, would be lost in a ustream wedding.

Ok, so now for the part I am looking forward to…..

Since we are geeks, there is a possibility that for the Nerdtacular 2011 pholks (hahah pholks!) may have a unique opportunity.  That is all i’m gonna say, but as details are ironed out, I’ll let you know.

you, my friends, are amazing! ((((hugs))))

Exciting!

So, many of you have either heard rumors, or know for a fact, or have seen something that makes you suspect that life for me is changing drastically.

I'm engaged.

Yeah, i just said that. I happened on Saturday, but i'm still in shock! Holy cow!

Last night, B and I went on a date. He'd come into town for the holiday, and at the time when we were planning this, i was halfway expecting to go to a high school reunion (but i didn't go). It had been raining for two days straight with very little let up (the "ponds" soon became "lakes" soon became "seas." it's RIDICULOUS!) I have my nieces in town because my brother decided he would go to his high school reunion (though a lot was cancelled due to this insane rain. no thunderstorms! just rain!) After getting away from the fam, B took us to our favorite local restaurant, and we ate. Typical date. Well, we decided we wanted dessert, so we got it to go (and he doesn't like strawberries on his cheesecake... i do. He got it on the side *GRIN!*) Eventually, we trekked to walmart for dr pepper and ice and then we returned to his hotel (because EVERYTHING outside was wet and/or underwater). He admitted that he was planning a picnic by the pond near his hotel, but it literally rained on his parade, so we moved it indoors. Two bites into the cheesecake, he pulls me up into an semihug/dance thing and says "I know i've told that i never expected to find love again, but here you are." and other stuff to that effect. I soak it in. it's like, required or something! and then he sits me on his bed, turns around, opens a drawer, pulls out a box, and gets on one knee. "*adventurer*. I love you." i'm giggling, but i manage to respond with an "I love you, too!" and then he starts to laugh. "This is going to be really cheesey, but i am gonna say it anyway.... JOIN ME! and together we can rule the galaxy as husband and wife! *adventurer*, will you marry me?" "Um, YEAH!"

and then we finished our cheesecake.

and then we started calling people, and met up with my family. I didnt even tell them, they just knew! it was crazy! but they were all happy, and it was worth it.

I am engaged!!!!!!

Isn't he good?

so, here's the dealio! I love when GOd meets needs at the right time, and in His own way. I LOVE IT!

The end (details *may* follow, but call if you want them)

Happy Easter

Easter is a beautiful reminder of God's love for us. He loved us enough to die for us and more because He rose again.

This past saturday, we took kids to the "WORLD'S LARGEST EASTER EGG HUNT" and they had a BLAST! First we heard the Easter story (told with Resurrection Eggs) and one of my buddies knew ALL the answers! In fact, one of the youth we took as a chaperone was trying to get him NOT to answer. "Give someone else a chance!" i heard whispered several times. Then I hung out with five of these young boys keeping up with them and enjoying life with them. It was a blessing! So much fun!

Speaking of the Easter Egg hunt, the next day I hid some in the complex and they hunted until they found them all, including all 12 resurrection eggs! Then we told the Easter story. I love these kids. I mean, all 100+ in whom I invest. The fact that many of them are so eager to learn about Christ makes me smile.

In fact, at the beginning of Passion week, we still needed 40,000 eggs to meet our goal 0f 100,000 and I wasn't worried. Going to the University I did and the church there reminded me of how God is faithful. We had our 100,000 eggs and some. We were definitely blessed.

Please keep the ministry here in your prayers. Everything we do is for His glory and so I pray and will continue to pray that we strive to give Yeshua all praise. It is for Him that I am here.

Also, I dunno what I'm doing after may, so pray for guidance there. :)

In Him,
The Adventurer

Heart breaking

There are times when i am with kids at my various afterschool programs that my heart just breaks. Some of them have absent parents, whether it's physically, emotionally or mentally distant. Some don't have a good home to find refuge in. And some are so hungry for the gospel.

Today, I was almost on the brink of tears. I love this season. This season reminds me of all that should have happened to humanity for the price of our sins, and yet Christ bore it all for me. Jesus paid the price so we don't have too. The gravity of that news is a burden and I just can't let someone I know and love go without hearing it. Well, anyways, today at after school, some kids were working on the worksheet, and a couple are like "We don't celebrate Easter." I asked them why, and they said "We're Jehovah's witness." I can almost feel the spiritual battle taking place there, and my heart breaks for them.

i have to admit that having a heart break for people feels alot better than apathy. I'd rather hurt and someone know they are loved and important than to go a lifetime with happiness and never show that love. Some call it parenthood. I call it... Brokenness I guess.

Funny story though!!! actually a couple. First, i left my fone and watch at home, so I never worked on the time restraints that I normally do today but i still had to ask the time occasionally. it was weird. and another cute story. Today I picked up one of the kids like a sack of potatoes and was asked him "what's your name?" he said "Sack'o'tatoes!" and then his sister wanted to be the a sack of potatoes. It was a good day at afterschool and I watched most of pistachio with the kids. What an excellent picture of how God pursues us so that we can be his!!!

Well, I'm off now. I'll talk to you guys later.

In Him,
<>< The adventurer

Greater is He….

Wednesdays are incredibly long for me.  I have a meeting with all the “outback” people at 7 AM (it’s been a while since I went to 6:30 Early Morning Prayers…) and then I go until after 8 with various activities and bible studies.  So here’s a little spiel on what goes down….

7 AM – a time of prayer and regrouping for the people who work outside.  You really get to know people when they are just waking up, and I can name at least three people who are “just waking up” regularly for this meeting.  I hope to wake up earlier as a rule anyway and eventually wean myself off coffee for early mornings, but it currently gives me the initial boost to get going.

8 AM – all the volunteers and staffers who are able gather in the front room with the people we are helping that morning for a quick devotion in English, followed (normally) with a Spanish translation, prayer and heading to the “office” area of the Mission where we gather to pray and give reports over our various church plants and celebrate birthdays.  (I love it!!!)

9:30 AM – I head to an apartment complex to teach ESL at ten.  Last week, it went horribly.  I wasn’t very well prepared, it was scatterbrained, and I was terrified that the students wouldn’t return today.  I called my best friend to tell her that I didn’t know how to do it.  But this week, I mentioned it twice for prayer, had a lesson planned out, and it went well!  Granted, the class was only four today, but still!  I left the clubhouse praising God that He had allowed me to be open to Him using me.  I told Ms. Tillie later that it wasn’t a question of really doing the ESL class because I knew that was important.  It was more that i didn’t feel competent, which I am.  She has the saying “God doesn’t call the equipped.  He equips the called” on her desk, and seeing that reminds me that apart from God, I can do NOTHING! Which was definitely relevant for today.

11:30 AM i head to the office of this apartment complex for bible study.  These women (and some men)  have been faithful members of this church for years.  They truly thrive on the community they receive out there, and it’s a wonderful picture of the way God intended the church to work.  I love hearing and seeing these people laugh and cry together.  After this bible study, it’s lunch time, and meals are another way to get to know people.

At around one, i return to the mission to work some more out back.  And then at around 3 or 3:30 I head back to the apartments for afterschool which is full of laughs.  Today it was rainy, so we stayed inside and played monopoly.  no one really won because it was time to go and already two of the four players gave up.  Directly after that, I lead a bible study for the youth.  They’re the age of my nephew and so funny to watch.  Currently, we’re studying the sermon on the mount.  Such a wonderful group!  I truly enjoy hanging out with them!  After that is prayer time with those at the lunch bible study, and then I head off to another apartment complex to help with the Children’s bible study (which happened to be over Esther tonight and I LOVE that story!!!!!!!!)  By the time this is all over it’s at least 8 PM and I’m exhausted.  But you know, i think I look forward to Wednesdays a lot because I am able to pour out to so many people!!

Prayer Requests!!!

- always pray that I would be a willing vessel for Yeshua to use!  I want so much for these many people that i see daily to know Him as their Savior!

- Guidance when it comes to ESL- I want it to be a gateway to teach the gospel to them!  Today we talked about families, and i really think it helped to open the doors for that relationship to be built!

- And pray for the people in these three apartment complexes that I’m ministering in, that the Gospel would be shared and that seeds would grow to bear fruit.  I love each complex deeply!

Anyways, tha’s all for now.  I think I’m gonna go crash and possibly sleep :)

blessings to you all!

Mini-Devo time!!

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

Somehow, yesterday, after the day was done at the mission, I got to talking to the Austrian about the Book of Eli.  I was talking about how Eli had the ENTIRE bible memorized and I left the movie feeling inspired and kinda convicted that I didn’t have the bible memorized and that Psalm 119 says “I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.  How often do I kind of just “skim” through my bible just to say I did it without meditating on it day and night like the psalmist did?  Anyways, this being said, I’m aspiring to memorize the entire sermon on the mount while I’m here.  Starting with the beattitudes, and the best way to do it is meditating on the Word, right?

Anyways, I had a dream the other day about a halloween / birthday party and invitations with fondant attached to them (i tried it in the dream…) and woke up thinking “It is the desire of the human heart to live forever and to know what the future holds…. Only Yeshua is the answer.”  It’s true.  That dream lead to that thought process and I’m still trying to figure out how.

When I had this dream I wasn’t feeling well, so I was at my apartment resting.  One of the coolest things happened.  I heard kids playing outside, and i have the honor of seeing them every monday and friday at after school and I’m growing to love each and every one of them!  Anyways, I heard them on sunday while they have bible study, and I thought “Those are my kids!!!” and my heart and spirit soared as i thought about how blessed I am to have them in my life.

Ok, I’m done.  I need to eat and head over to the mission for another full day of work. I’m sure i’ll bring home other random stories for you to hear later :)

In Him,

<>< Me

PS there’s this little girl at one of the apartments I work at who desperately wants to be able to participate with the older kids.  We’re reading from the bible but she hasn’t learned how yet.  anyway, she raises her hand and says, “I’ll read!” turns to me very seriously and asks “will you help me?”  it was adorable!!!  I’m sure I’ll remember that moment for a long time!

I got towed… keep reading. It’s funny!

So God definitely has a sense of humor.  Of course sometimes, this includes funny things from me.

This morning I get up to head to the Mission for Bible studies and the whole spiel.  I get up, get dressed, eat cereal and head out to where I parked my car.  I notice there’s an empty spot really close to my apartment and then I realize it’s empty because my car’s not there!  I run back up to my apartment because it’s relatively warm up there (or at least warmer than outside, even though my heater decided to freak out on me this morning….) and call one of my supervisors who directs me to another supervisor, who directs me to another supervisor.  Eventually we find that my car is in Fort Worth, and proceed to attempt to have it returned, but realizing too late that i don’t have my id on me, so we go back to my apartment, get my ID, head back to the lot and eventually get my car back… after the computers crashed and after waiting for what seemed like hours… We were getting colder as we waited.  Why couldn’t the office be inside? or at least in the sun.  At any rate, it was interesting.   And my car’s back!!! Black beauty survived the ordeal quite nicely!! as did i!  I told several of my supervisors that i’m the kind of girl who laughs at things later, realizing the faux pas and that it’s, in all actuality, quite humorous!  However, I’m now having to park in visitors parking way out in the boondocks to prevent other occurrences like this one…  Honestly… it was a PAIN! and that’s not quite as funny…

Technically, i started working there yesterday.  I was put in 1 1/2 where workers go around and sort through the clothes that the mission will hand out.  Mostly we were making sure that they were weather appropriate… warm and well, warm.  One of the ladies helping and I got along quite well, even though I was acting like my normal self and being contrary.  I REALLY need to work on that, but honestly, both of us were laughing and having a good time and that room, which is usually piled full of stuff and appears messy was ridiculously tidy with racks overflowing with clothes that were more “wintery.”  I was put in charge of the volunteers and man, it was worth it.  I know i’m not talking to those shopping for clothes, but i’m talking to the volunteers, many of whom are there for community service hours, and many of whom don’t realize the impact of the gospel!  It definitely made me aware that this huge operation does more than minister to those in physical need, but they also minister to their volunteers and every body who is there to serve!  This evening, a man with no place to stay came up and started helping out, waiting for the opportunity to ask someone about a place to stay.  He came up and just started working, and he was a hard worker.  I thank God for the opportunities to minister to men and women of different faith backgrounds.  For the constant change of things to do… and most of all that this opportunity came up.  I’m loving it!

Remind me later to tell you about the foon of batman.  I really need a picture of it LOL

Goodnight, all!  thank you for your prayers!